Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
