My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
