remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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