It's Friday. Sex?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
