all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
