Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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