All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
