my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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