I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize