I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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