I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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