i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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