Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
