I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
