"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He shit in the fireplace
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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