I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
