My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
