In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I intend to get homeless drunk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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