Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
