i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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