you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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