how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
