No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize