Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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