my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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