can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
