I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
