The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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