The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
