You work out of a Hotel?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
