Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
