Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
