woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
