someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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