you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
