I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
