You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
