I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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