sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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