I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
