I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
