Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
