I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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