I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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