so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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