I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
