The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
