Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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