So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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