Don't make out with my wife yet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
God, I missed his penis.
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