"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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