I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign