I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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