Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
