True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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