you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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