I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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