I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
