I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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