i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
