I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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