Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
