upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
