I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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