She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This baby is an asshole
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
