He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
