I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
