you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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