Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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