I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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