Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How naked do you want me to be?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
