they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
