I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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