mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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